Words to fall on

Watching, Waiting, Seeing all the connections. Outcast, Not fitting in, Highlighting my fails, Once again I want to die  Feelings of not being good enough, Seeing everyone blend, While I stand out like a sore thumb. Paranoia soaks into my bones Hating this whilst trying to be Not noticed, But here I am failing once again.

 Thank god for my phone, I would not survive otherwise  I don't care for the judgment faces, This is my safety net, When all else fails, I look down and cry into my phone.

I hate the sound, That echoes into my ears, The loneliness is killing me  I hate me!

 Sometimes I am in a dream world, Lost and dissociated, Away from this world.  Always feeling at odds, Never stop questioning, Whether I am doing it right. All alone in this world, At times I want to self-destruct, Alternatively, I want to hide away. Autism is so lonely, Even though there is plenty Like me trying to survive In this neurotypical world. No one can see my tears, On the outside all alone  Looking in.  Never a day goes bye  Where I dealt with myself, It leads me to a meltdown, All the while seeking perfection. I get so frustrated, Constantly feeling like it is  Out of reach. No one bothers, They don't see my tears, The words get stuck and  Lost along the way.  If only they knew how  Isolated I feel.

Noise is in my head, Is bombarding me, I want to shut down,  Give me a break! 

I reach out to the sun, For much needed nourishment,    It gives me life,  To see you,  I search for you,  To keep me living.